Sick City Windows

Capturing New York's sick windows & city happenings

Month: April, 2012

Tit for Tat.

Cherry picking a part of the body otherwise left un-seen by the public (with the exclusion of beaches, music festivals and House Bunny), every so often the fashion community takes an undergarment and makes it the must-have outerwear… Bloomers have been a wardrobe staple and Miu Miu mainstay for seasons now and last year everyone and their mother (no really it was scary) was rocking the lace bra as a tank look.

As beloved as it was, I’m happy to bid the trend adue and say hello to a more figure friendly one. And by figure friendly I mean my figure friendly– boobalicious. You see, a few years ago, Paris took the throne in an unprecedented itty bitty titty coup  and almost immediately, big breasts fell hard from fashion grace. All of a sudden designers everywhere started to care more about the un-shapely people of the world. Amorphic looks flooded runways and magazines and then quickly hit the stores. If only I had known then that boobs would take a turn for the un-chic in 2004, I wouldn’t have spent the early part of the decade wishing for them to arrive. But we can’t go back. Not to then, or to A-line and oversized, caftan or bib front, boxy or drop waist, bandeau or maxi. Times that do nothing but shame busts into hiding. Dark times. Flat times. I shudder…

But, the more I see my therapist, the more I’m learning to forgive. And thanks to a paradigm shift in trends, which hopefully signals smoke signs of hope that designers have come to their senses, I’m happy to report boobs are back in! Seriously, burn that striped bandeau, it wasn’t doing much for you anyway and get lifted. Strap yourself into the “it” summer shirt– the bustier, or bralet. Sorry surfboards you’ve gotta sit this one out, but just remember that up until now you’ve had every single trend, you can shop anywhere at any price point and you can basically skip sports bras and bikini tops all together. so go fuck yourselves.

In honor of my excitement that graciously we’ve been given 1 hot trend in 8 years, over the next few weeks I’ll be bringing you the chicest looks inspired by some of my favorite bosom buddies. Yea… I’ll be dragging this one out.

The Sophia.

The Shades: Dior Cat Eye, The Bustier: Dolce & Gabbana Floral Jacquard, The Bag: Celiné Anthracite, The Shorts: Dolce & Gabbana High Waisted, The Shoe: Fendi Lace-up Espadrille, The Earrings: Lanvin Crystal Embellished, The Cuff: YSL Black Mamaba

Somos lo que Llevamos. La Piel Que Habito.

Last night I attended a panel discussion on Pedro Almodóvar and fashion. Unfortunately it turned out to be one of the worst panels I’ve been to– with speakers who only spoke to the moderator and never looked at the audience, and all but the Professor who brought slides, came completely unprepared to talk on the subject. But, putting all of this aside, what I got out of it was that Pedro Almodóvar loves using high fashion for character construction and identity depiction. Which is an interesting concept because in movies the fashioning of ones self, the mapping and creation of ones identity onto the body is so deliberate and intentional. Cinema has to be able to convey through dress who a character is, what their class and marital status are, what they do, their age, interests etc.

And in life, although I feel like I’m on set every day, the majority thinks of their fashion choices as happenstance and not indicative of who they are. If I get up and throw on black skinny jeans and a white tee, am I really communicating to the world how fabulous, 25, intelligent, single and worldy I am?

Yes, and let me tell you a story… Last year I met a guy at a club, I was drunk and thought he was cute, he was drunk and knew I was gorgeous and the rest is history. Until I made the rookie mistake of trying to hang out again. sober. And what happened, well, you’ll see… I opened the door to my cute little apartment and there it was: man jeans, flat fronted black shoes, athletic tee shirt and oversized fleece. I died on the spot, told him I wasn’t feeling well (I mean after an outfit like that who would be?) and excused myself. No way that was coming inside my sanctuary…

And I was totally bummed out. Because it wasn’t just that he came to my apartment thinking he could look like shit on a stick, it was that this person whom I was totally smitten with for 48 whole hours was not my type on the inside. In that millisecond, I could tell the hideous display in my doorway did not have my taste in music, or any taste for that matter and has very likely never even been to a live show. Sick. He didn’t have a corporate job with other chic men, or was remotely creative. He didn’t live in Manhattan proper or know how to party, or have any gay friends and he certainly didn’t care about my feelings. No thanks.

His external style communicated his internal landscape loud and clear, and it was not chic. However “expensive” or “designer” his clothes were it didn’t matter, they were fug and he was a dud. Style is what counts, inside and out– or rather whats inside shown on the outs! And don’t tell me you can lead a horse to Dior. You can’t make them drink, nor make them feel at homme in a buttery leather jacket and utility boots any more than you can force them to like Chet Baker, foreign films and fried Milkways. Style- the personification of ones self, like the heart is usually on ones’ sleeve. This is a good thing though, you don’t have to look very hard for insight into a soul. Our clothes are a couple of chatty school girl bitches I’d say… What would they?

“I just got in from Paris for a shoot. Move.” “I shop at Trader Joes and I roll my own cigarettes- with lavender. My shirt, oh that’s vegan flannel.”"On my way to Soulcycle. OMG, did you hear Jake goes to the one in Union Square???” ”I’m Russian.” “I’m rich. Okay fine, he’s rich.” “So what I’m from Jersay?” ”I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip flops. So I bought army pants and flip flops…”

For Vera, the Jean Paul Gaultier skin suit she wears for most of The Skin I Live In, is the protestant fashion of her oppression, while the Dolce & Gabbana floral dress she dons at the end speaks to both the characters in the film and the audience watching, the salvatory language of her freedom. If you haven’t seen The Skin I Live In, La Piel Que Habito- I mean there’s not much to say, other than you suck, but I’m pretty sure your jeans already told me.

Images courtesy of Imdb.com

You Didn’t See Me Piss Anywhere.

My first memory of Kirk was when he walked his bad ass Louis Viutton boot wearing self into Air Studios, where I was working at the time. I remember thinking who are you, what the fuck do you want- and why are you so chic, we’re still in Hoboken, right? Well- what he wanted was a job, and what I got was a new bestie…

Now, I knew Kirk was a lifer from the first  time we went out. We were testing out the ill fated Hoboken night scene when a gypsy came begging for change. Having none of it, Kirk immediately told her that he heard she had a house in Malibu. Shamed from the truth, she went running and I almost peed myself from laughing.

Since then we’ve been gallery walking, car jumping and rowing; he even lets me take the the paddle and screams for women’s lib along the way. We’ve shared dresses and tears, good movies (Breaking Dawn) and better movies (The Skin I Live In), and he’s the type who has the best taste in everything (especially friends); saving me from a night or two at Pacha–The Box, The Raines Law Room, much better choices! We’ve broken into playgrounds, carnivals, after parties and runways– but don’t worry there’s been quite a few invites over the years as well.. He’ll serve you tea out of a Victorian set  from Henry the VIII, yell Superbad obscenities in the street, smoke cigarettes with an extender fit for a true gent and pass out at Goldfrapp– just in the name of Lindsay.

My parter in crime, my Addison, Silver Lining Lally~ Happy Birthday!!!! I love ya… And maybe this will teach you a lesson about reading my blog. Just kidding. No. I’m really not…

 

Old News. Shmews.

Normally I’m not an advocate for the whole “in transit” look- bubble wrap, paper print. I mean tell me a time when old news was ever chic. Let me help you, there hasn’t been, and if you’re thinking Dior I’m thinking of shanking you in the kidney and paper cutting your jugular (hot ≠ chic). I still haven’t been able to vanquish the memory of the seriously awful duct tape situation that went down in high school. Everything covered in tape– wallets, pants, backpacks. It should’ve been their freak on a leash faces.

But, being that Manhattan Mini Storage told me they dig Sick City Windows and well, if you tell me you like my blog (and have sick windows like say, gowns made of packing material) theres a good chance you’ll wind up on it. Oh and did I mention they also have some of the chicest ads around… I’m kind of a junkie- don’t hate.

**Material Possessions…

Manhattan Mini Storage, 420 East 62nd

Le Turb.

For those of you just getting on the flower halo, crown, whatever it is bandwagon– don’t you fucking dare. Not only are they considerably less chic than having your shaman weave real flora through your locks, rousing your animal spirit while tripping in a bus on your way to ‘roo–by now you should know that once something makes it to Pinterest its over, like Mandy Moore over. Don’t blame me, blame your trend whoring selves.

We all remember feathers right? Who could forget! One naked hippie at Burning Man thinks its a good idea to accessorize with the plumage of a dead peacock and all of a sudden the free bird look is in. I can’t lie, I too found myself quill visioned, scouring the 103 degree city for just the right colors to say “Hey, I fly high in first class but I’m still grounded,” and let me tell you there were none. Why? Because all of the continental U.S. was doing the same– young, old, Roseanne.

It wasn’t until a friend of mine told me about her stripper friend “doing feathers” for cheap (no pun intended) and poof there I was living out my rooster fantasy. For a total of eleven minutes until I got home and realized I looked more of a dick than the cock I set out to. Promptly liberating my locks (in the process losing 6 months of hard earned growth!) I took a long look in the mirror (is there any other kind?) and scolded myself for the first time since Rocketdogs for getting on a runaway trend train.

So while flowers are having their (belated) moment in fashion- I’d like to take a moment for le turb. Another hair’cessory with a shelf like of about three more minutes, okay three and a half- before they too flood Pinterest and fest heads all over. Just remember ladies, its super important to find one that speaks eloquently and dignified, telling the outside world, ”I’m some kind of ethnic– caucasian its called, but my turb is definitely Lanvin!” Happy pinning. I mean shopping.

The Star: Anna Sui Star Printed, The Tan: Eugenia Kim Chiara, The Red: Lanvin Crepe Jersey, The Pink: Eugenia Kim Chiara, The Missoni: Zigzag Crochet Knit, The Black: Norma Kamali

Images courtesy of ManRepeller & Style.Lifegoesstrong.com.

Dedicated to the Obvi. Obviously.

I’d like to share something with you all that is very dear to my heart, assuming I still have one of course. A post dedicated to stating the obvious. Definition: something easily seen, recognized or understood; open to view or knowledge; evident. What it is, is a disgusting part of every day life so morally depraved that my reactions to the verbal redundancy have in the past caused entire displays of Oliver Peoples’ to shatter, baby hearts to stop beating, Birkins to burst and left friendships in Pompeiian ruins; the real cause of Nipplegate (sorry Janet, that was totally my fault, nothing personal) and may or may not have caused Columbine, Katrina and Oklahoma City… Wicked destruction I know, sorry about that. It’s just that I really hate, I mean obesity in crop top hate, when I hear any of the following:

It could be worse. I know who Jessica Simpson is. I’ve seen Fashion Star. Trust me, I know how bad it could be but dont you dare for a covetous second try to diminish my plight as a single, white, formerly Jewish, now Aetheist female.

Is this a shirt or a dress? Neither asshole, it’s a fucking tunic. Hence why you can’t figure out whether the garment before you is a shirt or a dress.

Muscle weighs more than fat. True. But heroine chic will always weigh less.

There’s no such thing as normal. If there was no such thing as normal there would be no word for it. Nor would there be words for simple minded, redundant, deficient, obtuse, fuck faces– you get where I’m going.

I should’ve never listened to that hair stylist. This is a no brainer. Never under any circumstance trust anyone willing and eager to take shears to your magnificent mane. Remember, hair stylists (like Gingers) are soul’less drones who want nothing more than to cut and dye you back to the 90′s– something about a return of boy bands and mushroom cuts.

Two permits do not equal a license. But– one out of state license will permit you a discount at Bloomies.

After All that We’ve Been Through– It All Comes Down to Me and You.

Alber Elbaz gets me in a way that only Karl, John and Miuccia do. Oh, and Paris and Elle, and Babe and Shelley too. Okay, so a lot of people get me these days but still, Alber and I are like twins separated at chic birth– united through voguish telepathy. The Field of Dreams of fashion and what not– all I do is dream it and sure enough it comes to his runway next season.

In honor of his other special relationship, with Lanvin of course, Barneys is celebrating a decade of his couture craftsmanship:

Spring 2008

 Fall 2008

Fall 2008, Spring 2008, Fall 2008

Spring 2009

With nothing but love for Lanvin, here are some of my favorite looks over the years-

Fall 2003

Fall 2005, Spring 2003, Resort 2010

Fall 2006


Fall 2007


Spring 2010, Spring 2005, Fall 2006, Spring 2010 

Resort 2010

Barneys, 660 Madison Ave, 212.883.2200
Images Courtesy of Style.com

If I Can’t Have You I Don’t Want Nobody Baby.

Every so often a girl (namely me) falls so deep in love, it borderlines Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction… We met at Bloomies yesterday. Second floor. AllSaints department, and within seconds I could tell that we were a match made in Beckham heaven. My scathing obsession and perfection incarnate, Newaz, has me ready to hang my capricious oversize floppy and commit. Fully. It’s preposterous I know; to think something like this could happen to me of all Sagittarian people. A girl has needs, and this one in particular has lots of ‘em.

Now ladies. Before you come at me with an electric razor, ready to bald and interlope– being that I’m such a giver, I’m prepared to share. Take a moment to brace yourself for the unabashed beauty you’re about to witness and don’t stare. Us pretties don’t like it.

Breathtaking I know. Should you so choose to enter into our ‘Big Love’ union of sorts (minus their shit on a stick style)- you will be fashionably bound to the contract before you:

I [name] on [date] agree to honor and cherish Newaz until the end of time (or next season- whichever comes first).

I promise to pair only with items of equal or greater chic measure and I agree never to wear on my period, public transportation or days I sport nail art. I agree never to wear nail art.

I promise to wear full coverage underwear and exit the limos from which I come with grace; (leaving the beave/sequin show down for more chic places like bedrooms, table tops & bar bathrooms).

I will never, and I repeat never, wear with any heel less than 4in., drink any beverage other than vodka on the rocks, eat or frown– sequined minis are way age sensitive.

I will add Chanel liberally and stick to the following combo should I lose my style way.

Oh and ivory frames will be my new best friend. (Unless you’re Geisha status like me, in which case a spray tan will be your new best friend. If you’re dying for a new worst enemy- hit the tanning bed, Melasma will be so happy to meet you.)

The Shirt: James Perse Relaxed V, The Necklace: Asos Premium Bug, The Leather: AllSaints Caledonian, The Skirt: AllSaints Newaz, The Cuff: Chanel, The Bag: Chanel Vintage Double C, The Shoe: Vionnet Ankle Pump

The Shades: Stella McCartney SM42023

It’s 4/:20, Do You Know Where You’ll Be? It’s Right Now, Do You Know Where You Are?

Whether you are sufficiently stoned (or on your way there), at some point today you may find yourself asking what the fuck should I do??? Well if you can move your limbs, rack your cloudy brain no more and saunter on over to the following destinations.
There’s a little something for everyone…

The Daydream Believer

You may not be able to hide under a blue bird’s wings as she sings- but you can laze around on the Great Lawn all day, post up on a rock by Cherry Hill or pay your respects to Lennon at Strawberry Fields.

A little nature and then some? Skip CP and head to Washington Sq, just be prepared to dance and/or bongo in a drum circle.

The Black Panther

Full of pride- stroll on to Landmark Sunshine Cinema for a showing of Marley; at- 12:00, 3:00, 7:00 or 10:10.

The Adventurer

Get your bioluminescence on with a trip to the Creatures of Light exhibit at the Museum of Natural History. We lucked out with the holiday falling on a week day so children should in theory be a minimum, but I make no promises.

Light up shit not your thing? Who the fuck are you? Check out Journey to the Stars, the new film on view in the Planetarium.

The Profesh

A seasoned smoker, you don’t need a special day to blaze, every day you’re up in smoke and there’s no place you’d rather be than on your couch. Okay, maybe the bodega picking up Ben & Jerry’s and Bambú papers– but then its back to the couch.

Images courtesy of Centralparknyc.info, Google & TurboSquid.

“Fuck the Coach. Fuck the Prada. Fuck the Dolce & Gabbana. She’s Happy Kickin’ Back– Smokin’ a Fat Sack of Marijuana”

In honor of the most glorious holiday that is 420– here is a cornucopia of stoner‘iffic things to enjoy tomorrow, while you’re
up in smoke

1. Pot Leaf Sunglasses: Perfect for masking pesky red eye, just don’t wear these “sunnies” to the office. 2. Joints, Blunts, Bowls and Bongs Sweatshirt: Yup. I think that about covers it. 3. Miansai Silver Roach Clip: “For when your fingers aren’t small enough.” 4. Killer Kush Low Waist Leggings: Nothing says light me up quite like these lycra leaf leggings. 5. Huf Socks: Way better than the time I tried to bring back Juicy knee highs. Every. Day. 6. Canadian Marijuana Coin Cuff Links: You had me at Marijuana. 7. Acrylic Flask: You had me at flask. 8. Stonerwear Chess Set: What better way to spend a smoke sesh than with a rousing game of chess? Well at least the pieces are fun to look at. 9. Weed Thong: If you make it to sexy times. 10. Pot Leaf Ashtray: Just enough space for collecting roaches– the only acceptable kind. 11. Suburban Hemptress Tee: Nancy, Nancy, Nancy– we’ve come a long way since Agrestic…

Stay tuned tomorrow for more 420 coverage, you know as I countdown the top smokin’ celebs, movies, songs and underwear Yes underwear.

**Blog post title taken from Potluck and Kottonmouth King’s “Stoner Bitch.”

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