If I Can’t Have You I Don’t Want Nobody Baby.
by The Window Shopper
Every so often a girl (namely me) falls so deep in love, it borderlines Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction… We met at Bloomies yesterday. Second floor. AllSaints department, and within seconds I could tell that we were a match made in Beckham heaven. My scathing obsession and perfection incarnate, Newaz, has me ready to hang my capricious oversize floppy and commit. Fully. It’s preposterous I know; to think something like this could happen to me of all Sagittarian people. A girl has needs, and this one in particular has lots of ‘em.
Now ladies. Before you come at me with an electric razor, ready to bald and interlope– being that I’m such a giver, I’m prepared to share. Take a moment to brace yourself for the unabashed beauty you’re about to witness and don’t stare. Us pretties don’t like it.
Breathtaking I know. Should you so choose to enter into our ‘Big Love’ union of sorts (minus their shit on a stick style)- you will be fashionably bound to the contract before you:
I [name] on [date] agree to honor and cherish Newaz until the end of time (or next season- whichever comes first).
I promise to pair only with items of equal or greater chic measure and I agree never to wear on my period, public transportation or
days I sport nail art. I agree never to wear nail art.
I promise to wear full coverage underwear and exit the limos from which I come with grace; (leaving the beave/sequin show down for more chic places like bedrooms, table tops & bar bathrooms).
I will never, and I repeat never, wear with any heel less than 4in., drink any beverage other than vodka on the rocks, eat or frown– sequined minis are way age sensitive.
I will add Chanel liberally and stick to the following combo should I lose my style way.
Oh and ivory frames will be my new best friend. (Unless you’re Geisha status like me, in which case a spray tan will be your new best friend. If you’re dying for a new worst enemy- hit the tanning bed, Melasma will be so happy to meet you.)
The Shirt: James Perse Relaxed V, The Necklace: Asos Premium Bug, The Leather: AllSaints Caledonian, The Skirt: AllSaints Newaz, The Cuff: Chanel, The Bag: Chanel Vintage Double C, The Shoe: Vionnet Ankle Pump
The Shades: Stella McCartney SM42023