Totally random but I really need to vent about creepers, of whom I encounter basically everywhere I go. at all times. The other night as I hung my feet outside of a cab enjoying the breeze some guy commented on how cute my toes were. Then he told me to get home safe. Which actually made me feel a lot less safe. Two nights ago on my way to bk I was approached by a superfluously colorful art-cart owning creeper, who then after asking me 101 questions about myself as I tried to get away, offered me a job at FAO Schwartz, um, I hate kids- don’t you know me at all? Oh thats right you don’t, so why the fuck are you talking to me? And like, if I was actually blessed every time a dude muttered “God bless you” to me, I’d be a really lucky lady. Which I kind of am, so I guess it does work. Omg did I just become religious?
Anyway, yesterday I was having a really beautiful afternoon in the park. I was in full suit (did I mention I’m having the thinnest 44 hours in the past 6 months? okay well I am), and I was totally not sweating slash really into a delicious new book when all of a sudden, out of nowhere a creeper approached and asked if I wanted him to lotion me up. Um, excuse me? No. Get the fuck away. Like immediately.
Now, let’s get something straight here, a creeper is defined as any and every unattractive person in this world who may or not be breathing, looking, leering, talking and/or propositioning you; slash me. Because realistically, had Ashton Kutcher or Blair Redford come out of the brush asking if I wanted a lotion rub down- my answer would surely be a lot different. Just as long as they didn’t ask me to blow them. together.
So– today is a total moment for creepers and their unfortunate existence, where if they weren’t so hideous in this life, the creeper things they say and do would totally be hot… But until then, why are you breathing in my life space?