Sick City Windows

Last week Sick City Windows blew past an amazing milestone of over 10,000 views! Holler. I’m totally proud (given what little marketing I actually do) and I just wanted to say a major thank you. To jesus, I mean myself, for without me none of this would be possible. obviously. Most of all though, I’d like to thank YOU. Everyone who’s so much (and so little) as looked, liked, shared, perused, shmoozed, commented, read and followed my blog. I mean I’ve thought for years about my very first acceptance speech and it didn’t quite involve a computer screen as much as it did a staggering audience of cheering fans, cherubs and porpoises, but whatever. I’ll take what I can get.

I thought that in honor of 10,000, rather than post my 10 favorite store windows as I did for 5,000– I’m going to answer 10 of the most common, and scathing retail questions I face on a daily basis. My hope is that 1. I never hear these questions again, and 2. the next time you silly rabbits encounter a shopgirl you dont send her running for the razors with the any and every of the following:

1. Is this a shirt or a dress? I’ve vented about this before but like really, no question kills me more. The answer is neither. It’s a tunic, that thing in between a shirt and a dress.

2. Why are you on sale? It’s time to move old shit. As far as the industry goes, sales pretty much happen at the same time every year. Like Christmas. And usually at Christmas.

3. Do you take Amex? Where are we? Bratislava? Of course.

4. What do I wear underneath? I realize that for a while intimates were not an integral part of daily wardrobing, as say the 50s, but they’re back. As cuts and fabrics have become increasingly more varied, so has the demand for complimentary lingerie. Which is good news. There are tons of options- bandeau, racerback, bralet, pasties… I mean there’s no excuse not to buy something you love just because you don’t own the right bra. Get the right one. Or five. Or none at all. I’ve spotted some really chic nipple covers lately.

5. Where is the brand from? Why do you care?

6. How long will these last? Usually referring to shoes and usually coming from the mouths of Hoboken mothers. Ew. My answer is two fold. On the one hand it all depends on the wearer. Do you walk hard? A lot? Not at all? A good rule of thumb is that the more shoes you own, the less you will stress each pair, the longer you’ll have them. But on the other, why the fuck are you hoarding old shoes? There are only two products with a lifetime guarantee: Jansport backpacks and coffins. So you might as well start enjoying replacing things, while you still can.

7. What are you listening to? Pandora, and usually The Naked & Famous, M83 or Lana.

8. Can I return this? If you fit the parameters as detailed on your sales receipt, sure. If not, no. Bye. And don’t bother me with Better Business Bureau threats. I just work here.

9. How do I wear this? Okay unless you’re trying on a bunch of fabric strips meant to be tied together into a three piece suit, this answer is pretty much self explanatory. You wear a blazer as you would wear a blazer. Jeans, as you would wear jeans. I understand that bloggers like the Man Repeller have everyone up in arms about “how” to wear things but I promise it’s entirely up to you. And your lifestyle. Fashion is really malleable these days– go crazy. Dress as a skirt, skirt as a dress. Jacket over vest under blazer. Whatever. Go the fuck for it. But just don’t forget, sometimes it is okay to wear a shirt as a shirt.

10. Will you take me shopping? I get asked this all time, and like sure. I used to do it on the regs, but for a fee. Which I will say isn’t just limited to money. I’ll haply accept payments in the form of Prada, trips to Thailand, vodka sodas, R8′s, concert tickets- backstage preferably, and then some. We can work out the terms, just be prepared– my time and skill set will cost you but it’s seriously worth it. Your sex life will totally thank me.

I love you guys and really- THANK YOU! xx

Image courtesy of Dreams&HappyThings