“I have a whole army of pajamas.” Heidi Klum
So, my birthday is coming up soon and I’ve been thinking that instead of the $2.6million I was going to ask for–I’ll take a bodyguard instead. For one theres nothing more chic than having at all times at least one person in your entourage willing and paid to take a bullet for you. And I mean, someone to hold your handbag– priceless! If I could be hands free eternally– I’d die. In heaven. Chanelo. Handbags are so tired.
Anyway back to my bodyguard, rather than the burley ex-cop/Marine/Hulk ogres every other
Heidi starlet orders, I’m going international. As in O-ren Ishii’s Gogo Yubari. Blade swing thing and all. I mean, it’s just so unassuming. And obvi I’ll need to learn Japanese, which is so chic anyway– but like after that it will totally just look like I’m drinking/smoking/shopping/spa’ing with my Asian homie. Which is soooooo much better than psychos knowing I’m protected 24-7. Especially lately, having a cray stalker and all. Who– I’m totally sure at some point is going to come try to skin me and wear me. It’s next level obsesh. Though if it ever happens, you’ll know instantaneously so feel free to attack it liberally…
My birthday is in one month and twenty six days. Parents, you know what to do. Other fam. Friends. Lovers. Followers. I’m registered at CVS. xx. Apparently I’m too old for familial health insurance.
Image courtesy of rumorfix.com