Love | Sick City Windows

The Twenty Six.

“Intimacy is like putting your wiener on a table and having someone say ‘That looks like a penis… only smaller.’” The Love Guru

It’s been forever since I’ve blogged. I’ve been completely uninspired lately– sometimes the wheels of ~~my red r8~~ creativity just don’t turn… Anyway last year I wrote a list of things I’ve learned over the years and I just came across them, which albeit a little trite, are still relevant so I thought I’d share them:

1. Life is too short to be bundled up for so many months out of the year. Live the eternal summer.
2. Never rush. We are where we are where we are.
3. Wash your hands and NEVER touch your face.
4. Forgive people. And not for them but for you; if not you will always dwell in a house of pain.
5. Communication is everything. We have language for a reason.
6. Hug often.
7. Be open minded. Work to overcome inherent judgementality.
8. Never stop learning, growing, laughing, loving.
9. Value the relationships you make above everything. People are all we have in this life.
10. Peanut butter, raisins and honey are good on just about anything.
11. Work hard, because there isn’t shit else to do. i struggle with this but it sounds good on the list
12. In case of emergency breathe deep. drink fast. or call 911. feel it out.
13. Gaucho pants work on nobody.
14. Balance is subjective.
15. Have an identity outside of your family, friends, work and lovers.
16. Death discriminates against no one.
17. Don’t wait; for people. success. happiness.
18. Calling someone ignorant makes you sound like Michael Jackson. and really fucking ignorant.
19. Have a heart. Stress kills.
20. Don’t stand idly in open doorways, arches, steps and passageways. Move out of the way.
21. Push yourself. But sometimes it’s okay not to eat the coconut scorpion braised Argentinian scaled watersnake.
22. Vacation. In sick locations. locations. locations.
23. Treat. yo. self. and if you’re my family treat me too.
24. Turtlenecks are creepy.
25. Love maddeningly deeply.
26. Legalize it already.

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October 5, 2012

I’m Everybody’s Type, That’s My Thing.

“College is for ugly girls who can’t get modeling contracts.” Kelso

Relationships like Ashton and Mila give me total faith that my mid-20′s abstinence will not be in vain. In the words of Jackie Burkhart “you spend a lot more time looking at a person than you do talking to them.” And well I am so fucking tired of looking at ugly guys ~~on top/under/behind~~ next to me. Sick. And sure, both Ashton and Mila have had their mis-steps– Brittany Murphy RIP. Demi soon enough RIP. Macaulay about to be RIP. (it’s all about Kieran anyway); they’ve inevitably found their way into each others beautiful arms. Which is all that really matters. Male depth is so overrated.

Image courtesy of wiki

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September 18, 2012

A Little Less Conversation, a Little More Action Please

“To some people, love doesn’t exist unless you acknowledge it in front of other people.” Valentine’s Day

It turns out there is something worse than Valentine’s day in highschool. Facebook every day. I’m seriously gonna vom the next time I see another ”what he got me…” picture status update. I mean, get the fuck off Facebook and go blow him or something. Really. Now before you call me jealous, just know that my bitterness has nothing to do with being single. Not being in a relationship is a choice. My choice. Have you seen me lately? Exactly.

What bothers me about the cheesy roses, ugly sweaters and tacky watches you received “at work,” “when you got home,” or “because it’s Tuesday” is the fact that you’re fucking posting about it. And I mean, it may just be the 400 ~~losers~~ people that I’m “friends” with, but nobody, and I mean nobody has anything of substantial value to share. Procreating doesn’t count! And sure, you may re-post a picture of an emaciated Dachsund, homeless veteran or kid with Lukemia– but what about logging actual volunteer hours at the ASPCA, shelter and/or hospital? It’s great to bring awareness to a cause, I would never say otherwise, but just hitting “share” on a sad picture with an even sadder sitch doesn’t do it for me…

And like what kills me most is Facebook on 9-11. Yes, everyone was thoughtful enough to post garish photos and statuses in remembrance, but how many of you actually went out and did something for your country? I bet no one. Which– I’m so glad you took to Facebook to ask for a moment of silence or share where the fuck you were when the towers went down but next time you take a stab at altruism– get off the computer.

You may be asking yourself, where’s the proof of my work with the underprivileged? Well– I don’t have anything tangible because I don’t need photographic evidence for validation from an online community to enjoy the things I do in my real life. I just do them.

Images courtesy of tayswift.com

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July 28, 2012

For Cheaters Only

“A person can’t wreak havoc on a home that isn’t already dilapidated in some way.”

I know I keep talking about movies but I’ve watched a ton the past few weeks. My most recent fave is, For Lovers Only which is this Frenchish film, shot in black and white about two ex-lovers who run into each other in Paris. They go on a beautiful adventure traipsing their way to St. Tropez. Biking. Beaching. Dancing. Fucking. It’s basically how everyone should spend a week in France. They’re madly in love and totally enchanting. But– they also have spouses, and he has a child. The ending is ambiguous, but the movie as a whole is really chic. It also happens to be really poignant. Given the fact that they were by most standards considered “cheating,” which is really trendy right now. Okay maybe not more so than usual, but people are outraged with Kristen Stewart. And like whatever, she’s 22. He’s a really hot, under-fucked married man. You do the math. Or better yet, I’ll do him…

My thoughts on monogamy and “infidelity” are really open ended. As in they don’t exist. At all. Monogamy is a serious imposition on humanity and like there is nothing wrong with a whole lot of love throughout your life. That’s not to say I want multiple partners at one time. It’s just that I feel like there is no forever in relationships and I have the capacity to love so many different people, which may or may not be at the same time. I’m big picture- time is relative, and not always linear.

Take For Lovers Only for example. Sure by having sex with each other they were technically cheating on their current partners, but they’d also cheated on each other initially, by getting married to someone else in the first place. Not all love stories are stories, they’re epic poems. With neither a beginning nor an end, just a continuum of unrelenting emotion. And if that emotion is always there, whether or not the sex is too, wouldn’t that person always be cheating? Which makes the whole institution just so commonplace. Everyone in this life has a piece of themselves lost in the care of another (past and/ or present), as they too have in their possession the heart(s) of other lover(s). Sometimes you don’t get those pieces back. And other times you don’t want to…

Now– obviously this isn’t the case with KStew and the married guy, or many real life cheating scenarios but whatever. The bottom line is that everyone cheats. Women. Men. Cyborgs. And in many different ways. Sex. Unrequited love. To think otherwise is to not think at all. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t cheated and/or been cheated on at least once in their life. Do you? And like I’m not saying to be an asshole about it. Cheating happens, affairs happen over time. Carrying on multiple relationships and lying about it is just fucked up. Find individuals you don’t have to lie to, or don’t choose to commit. Polyamory and honesty are a really easy solutions to the cheating epidemic. Which is actually why its so major of a movement right now.

Live the love you want to. Forthcomingly. Guilt free. And like sooner rather than later. Find people who accept you for you. 1 or 100. Live and love on your terms. Life isn’t a dress rehearsal.

But just remember others will be doing the same and sometimes as people, we become but mere casualties in the war of one’s life. Try not to take it personal. Rob and Liberty, their hook up couldn’t have had less to do with you.

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July 21, 2012

I Just Love the Way You Spread that Tuna on Rye.

“Liberate Love from the pretense of should.” Me

There’s no easy way to say this but I love the help. God, I feel so much better! It’s like, my obsession with Party Girl culminated in the losing of my virginity to a Spanish, which then, coupled by the remarriage of someone in my fam to their masseuse, who by the way is a total ~~psycho~~ sweetheart, turned me into some sort of blue collar predator.

And like honestly I just can’t help myself. We’re all types and we all have types– Persian, penis, ginger, plushie, human, DMX, whatever. Mine is totally the help. My knees go weak every time I see a delivery boy dismount from his bike or when I lock eyes with a bar back filling ice. I know it’s forbidden, but we love who we love right?

I’m not even sure “help” is the ~~politically correct~~ appropriate term for my affliction at this point. I’ve gone and developed romantic affections for the fruit cart man on 77th, the East End park gardener and nearly all of Pick-A-Bagel. Doormen– just forget it. It’s like I’m their white angel or something– plucking them from the boughs of oppression. I don’t know. I mean, Nicole Richie totally confessed that she had it bad for the nearly dying, gangly white men of this world and look how well that turned out for her. Married. With kids. Sits on a celebrity judging panel as if she deserves to be there. The American Dream.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that love comes in all shapes and colors. And collars. After all, in matters of the heart, its all just chains right?

Anyway here’s a box of cutesicles that would’ve made excellent help:

Okay so maybe my type isn’t the help as much as it is “really pretty, ethnically ambiguous brunette” with long hair. And Kate Moss. Yea, that sounds more like it.

Images courtesy of imdb.com

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July 13, 2012

If I Never Sleep With You Again, it’s Because I’m Totally Avoiding You.

I’m gonna get really feminist and political here for a moment… So, the other night when my ex-guy friend I told you about went on his misogynist rant, a large portion of that was about how women basically rule the world and take advantage of the fact that men “are like crack addicts” addicted to pussy. Sorry but vagina just like did not fit there. Anyway, he went on to reference Chapelle and his bit that if men could fuck in cardboard boxes they wouldn’t ever buy houses or cars, because the only reason they actually do, is for the women they’re sexing, or trying to sex.

So like okay- on the surface I totally get it. Guys are gross and they just want to get off wherever whenever they can. I can deal with that as a male trait of our species, but in truth, these sexual relations just go so much deeper than that…

In nature- evolution/ species are furthered by the process of natural selection which is constantly weeding out the fit from the not. Textbook, right? Right. This process was really helpful in finding a mate slash propelling humanity forward, because obviously the best genes should make it into the next generation of life. And this process was generally, slash subconsciously understood by the group- the alpha dude would mate with the alpha chick and everybody else fell in line. Well, today for the most part not only do people procreate with any old doosh, but we’re living in a social world, not a biological one. In so much to say that our survival has absolutely nothing to do with the ability to kill a bison or fix a thatched roof, but the size of your bank account. Which in modern times, affords you the ability to survive in this life. Which would mean that money is the touchstone of the evolutionary fittest. Which basically means that yes, if you want to be fucking, you better have some fucking money.

Humans figured out early on that their chances for survival against the natural elements grew with their numbers, and so they lived in packs. From there evolved family units and then the nuclear families we have today. So like did ancient peoples have a problem with the fact that a woman had survival in mind when choosing her mate, and vice versa? I surmise not, or we wouldn’t be here today. Both sexes, for their behavior to have persisted throughout the whole of humanity must have been a mutually profitable symbiosis. Things that don’t work in nature, don’t last very long.

So yes, are some women just after money? Totally. But all guys, are just after pussy. So like it kind of evens out and is kind of just part of nature. And just think, if survival wasn’t intrinsically linked to net worth, but like actual survival, all women everywhere would be fucking black men. So, be thankful that money is not only an attainable commodity, but legitimizes your super white, super lame selves. Now tell me, what’s your pin again?

Image courtesy of imdb.com

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July 8, 2012

Just Friends

Okay so last night I was told by my now ex-guy friend, who’s really resentful about being in the friend zone, my friend zone, that I’m the most unabashedly selfish individual. Like ever. This was before his despondent “I hate all women everywhere” rant, after his 1-relationship sob story, and somewhere in between thinking he was at all special. Good times. And like despite all of the helpless victim bullshit he vomited up, as if he is the only person who’s ever been hurt, he was right about one thing, my self interest.

Which I have to admit, is 100% true, in so much to say that I have always understood that my journey in this life is a singular one, and I’m not really in the business of changing my lifestyle for anyone else. Which basically means that if you’re not along for my ride, get the fuck out of the car. Selfish? Maybe. Maybe not. I like to think not- and that’s because there really is no such thing as selfish, just people living their lives; something I am totally cool with.

And like it’s not that I don’t care about other people per say, I’ve picked up and left plenty along the way, it’s just that I’ve known for like ever now, that if I abandon who I am/what I want in favor of what someone else wants- I will totally resent them for it. And that’s just not a good look. On anyone. So yes, I put myself first and do what I want at all times. It’s a really good feeling, I never begrudge anyone or feel attacked or victimized, like people are just people and you should totally try it. Living your own life for you.

The inherent problem in the process is that sometimes other people get hurt. Which they then take personally, which is actually really selfish. And kind of just part of life so they should just get the fuck over it. Do I go out of my way to malign others, please, as if I have the time for that. I’m out living for me, remember.

Image courtesy of imdb.com

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April 26, 2012

You Didn’t See Me Piss Anywhere.

My first memory of Kirk was when he walked his bad ass Louis Viutton boot wearing self into Air Studios, where I was working at the time. I remember thinking who are you, what the fuck do you want- and why are you so chic, we’re still in Hoboken, right? Well- what he wanted was a job, and what I got was a new bestie…

Now, I knew Kirk was a lifer from the first time we went out. We were testing out the ill fated Hoboken night scene when a gypsy came begging for change. Having none of it, Kirk immediately told her that he heard she had a house in Malibu. Shamed from the truth, she went running and I almost peed myself from laughing.

Since then we’ve been gallery walking, car jumping and rowing; he even lets me take the the paddle and screams for women’s lib along the way. We’ve shared dresses and tears, good movies (Breaking Dawn) and better movies (The Skin I Live In), and he’s the type who has the best taste in everything (especially friends); saving me from a night or two at Pacha–The Box, The Raines Law Room, much better choices! We’ve broken into playgrounds, carnivals, after parties and runways– but don’t worry there’s been quite a few invites over the years as well.. He’ll serve you tea out of a Victorian set from Henry the VIII, yell Superbad obscenities in the street, smoke cigarettes with an extender fit for a true gent and pass out at Goldfrapp– just in the name of Lindsay.

My parter in crime, my Addison, Silver Lining Lally~ Happy Birthday!!!! I love ya… And maybe this will teach you a lesson about reading my blog. Just kidding. No. I’m really not…

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April 22, 2012

After All that We’ve Been Through– It All Comes Down to Me and You.

Alber Elbaz gets me in a way that only Karl, John and Miuccia do. Oh, and Paris and Elle, and Babe and Shelley too. Okay, so a lot of people get me these days but still, Alber and I are like twins separated at chic birth– united through voguish telepathy. The Field of Dreams of fashion and what not– all I do is dream it and sure enough it comes to his runway next season.

In honor of his other special relationship, with Lanvin of course, Barneys is celebrating a decade of his couture craftsmanship:

Spring 2008

Fall 2008

Fall 2008, Spring 2008, Fall 2008

Spring 2009

With nothing but love for Lanvin, here are some of my favorite looks over the years-

Fall 2003

Fall 2005, Spring 2003, Resort 2010

Fall 2006

Fall 2007

Spring 2010, Spring 2005, Fall 2006, Spring 2010

Resort 2010

Barneys, 660 Madison Ave, 212.883.2200

Images Courtesy of Style.com

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March 13, 2012

Once Upon a Time.

Let me start by squelching any ideas you may have about my well being~ I have not fallen into a windowless abyss! As I mentioned previously, since joining a gym a good portion of my time has been devoted to bettering my health and physique. And while I don’t spend every waking hour there, as of late I have been extremely uninspired. No, not by windows (there are actually some pretty sick ones happening right now)- but by the monotony of day to day living.

My bestie expressed to me recently that she didn’t get this thing we call life, and my reply was that there is nothing to get– the only point to it any and all of it is to love and be loved. To have love for yourself and love for others, love for what you do and love for where you’re going…

After twenty something years of refining (and haply appreciating) my singular existence on this planet, I would really like to know what its like to share it with another. To experience the passion that exists between book pages and on big screens, (before you ask, no I haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey, but I have read the entire Lords of The Underworld series). Now I’ve totally gone off on a tangent here- but - this is just a little explanation on where I’ve been lately, and a romantically inclined preamble to where this post is going…

Once Upon A Time there was a show about unrequited love on ABC that while not very captivating in its de-linearly circumnavigating plot is overwhelmingly precise in its costume design. Eduardo Castro, the show’s wardrobing extroidinaire and three time Costume Designers Guild award winner for his work on Ugly Betty is a legend in the biz; and while I never watched the show you all know how much I love my ponchos! With nearly three decades under his [Hermés] belt, Castro was beat out for this year’s CDG award in the “Outstanding Period/Fantasy Television Series” category to Boardwalk Empire’s John A. Dunn and Lisa Padovani. Now I haven’t watched that show either so Im unaware of the competition, but I can assure you that their period garb is no match for Castro’s.

In reality (and surely in my book), a win is certainly not the demarcation of ones excellence and craftsmanship. Just look at the lack of wins Tilda Swinton received for her standout performance in We Need to Talk About Kevin- which was so garish and raw I am still not able to talk about it- except to tell you to go see it ASAP! And let’s not forget Ellen Burstyn’s non win (certainly it was not a loss) for her role as Sara Goldfarb in Requiem for a Dream- I haven’t been able to look at a red dress the same since!

If you haven’t yet watched Once Upon a Time, its not for the hodge podge plot I recommend you do- but for the imaginatively expansive fashion that Eduardo Castro has brought in overwhelming proportions to the small screen. A true appreciation of dramatic detail and return to opulence, the fabrications are nothing short of regal and the cuts are completely rejuvinative. Not only has the show given me a desire to join LARP, or LAIR (for the Role Model fans out there), but more importantly it has made me seriously question and abhor the practicality of my wardrobe.